With Arctic snowfalls and Lapland scenery conspiring together, this year I witnessed a phenomenon as rare as the Northern lights. A number of ‘Mount Lovers’ (Finland’s ‘It girls’), whose main concerns are beauty and millionaire weddings, decided to ‘come out’ and stop hiding behind their false identities as attractive sports loving women.‘We prefer diamonds and spas to skiing! Long live relaxation!’ About time too, since these feeble Elsa imitations were a natural disaster in Levi, Finland’s answer to Frozen, already on alert for a ‘Sudden Artic ice melt’!.By February however, thanks to the It girls’ confessions, the onset of snow brought a moment of truth.
‘Why is it our fault if we only fall in love with good looking, sporty, venturesome, rich guys? All’s fair in love and war!’ – the ice girls, as they are so often called, defend themselves as they explain the hard life they lead as fake stars of the snow. They’ll feign sudden back ache to warrant expensive mud mask treatments with him footing the bill of course. They favour beneficial detox and regenerating breaks based on Pelavie® (The Innovation Company) and Brentaker®–L (Egap), mixes of clay and silts, natural bioactive materials which improve circulation and also function as effective anti-inflammatories. Those who have actually seen these snow princesses up close can guarantee that they don’t have a trace of cellulite!.
They’ll unabashedly use the excuse of a drop in blood sugar as a smokescreen to hide their agility of a sloth to escape to a delicious mousse mask that awaits them in an exclusive luxury spa! As I’m sure you can imagine the ‘Mount Lovers’ only want the very best and are spoilt for choice – a Sorbet mousse mask or a Massage mousse mask?
How exhausting swapping tiresome night time snowshoeing keeping the kids occupied with loathsome babysitting services, for tedious hand treatment masks, just in case someone should get on their knees and pop the question. Gloves are soaked in a formula that doesn’t run – a w/o emulsion with Mixan 835 PHS and Dermoil HDE (Bregaglio) that guarantee both silk-like hands, (thanks to regenerating and protective skin barrier properties) and a ring to die for! Redness and flaky skin caused by harsh temperatures are minimised with Wild Olive Oil (Bionap).
To say the least, life at high altitude has never been kind to these women but it was the traditional downhill sledging that literally sent them off the rails. They arrived last at the finishing line covered in snow from head to foot (justice is done!!). Someone on the web though, told them that those who come last will be first, so their lives at sub-zero temperatures carried on in the hope that at least face wrinkles would be reduced by the cold…..
At the ‘crime scene’ though something isn’t quite right…. Why are there lots of rinse-off masks scattered in their luggage? whereas inside hand treatment gloves and in the bathrooms of 5 star bedrooms there are an infinite number of no-rinse masks? Bloggers, the authority on beauty, start investigating immediately. In the meanwhile the girls’ foolish admirers having been seduced and cast aside by these modern day Mata Haris, feel exploited – some had even bought an engagement ring!
Is there something to be learnt from these women? Come with me to Finland and let’s find out….
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